The MN

dedicated to entertaining the easily amused
(and people from Olathe, Kansas)
issue date: March 10, 2001
The Moon Sports
Local Basketball Team Actually Wins A Game
by B-Rent Imagodei

A local Wisconsin basketball team playing in the city of Oshkosh, namely Rosie's Bar, which was owned by lesbians but no longer actually exists, has actually won a game after losing its first 13 straight. Their team is in its first year of existence, "and that's our excuse for sucking," according to coach Ryan Rutzinski. In their most recent triumph on February 20, 2001, they were victorious 46-45 against a team that sucked more than they do.

"The first time we played them wasn't a fair matchup," said Rutzinski. "Our best two players weren't there. Not that we're that good with them, but without them we suck more than Monica. This time, though, was sweet. We knew we had the game won when we actually held a first half lead for once."

Other players contacted about the victory did not wish to share their identities (Rutzinski is a pseudonym as well), but most agreed that even though they stink, at least it was fun. "Although it's nice to know that nobody will ever find out about our team, because no journalistic publication in their right mind would cover us." (and then there came The Moon - although the Oshkosh Northwestern publishes final scores once in awhile on those days when they actually attempt to be a professional journalistic publication)

We promise that as soon as Rutzinski can locate his scorebook (which he says is located somewhere in his room - but we think it was sent to the Basketball Hall of Fame to commemmorate a crappy team actually winning) we will report the stats from the game that changed the face of basketball as we know it forever.

Back to front page