(and people from Druidia)
article date: January 21, 2001
Contrary to popular belief, Pizza the Hutt is not dead. "That part in the movie where they said I ate myself after being locked in a car is totally made up. They just wanted it to be a surprise when I came back in the sequel. Since there never was one, everyone assumes I'm dead. I might as well be. When people think of the words 'pizza' and 'hut', nobody thinks of me. They think of that fast food mockery. That is why I am suing," Pizza the Hutt stated.
It is obvious that poor Pizza the Hutt has severe self-esteem issues. He frequently picks at his pepperoni, and gnaws it thoughtfully. "If I do eat myself, then I won't have to deal with all these issues."
Pizza the Hutt is suing Pizza Hut the restaurant franchise for copyright override infringement. The Copyright Override Infringement Act was recently passed by Congress in the same session that they banned Marky Mark from ever publicly performing "Good Vibrations" for reasons of "public indecency". As stated in this article's preview, the Act allows proprietors that used a previously copyrighted trademark to sue for the right to the trademark itself to preempt the existing company's trademark. According to the law, a judge must rule which party in each suit stands to benefit most from use of the trademark. Pizza the Hutt maintains that because he was created as a parody of Jabba the Hutt using Pizza Hut, his self-esteem and self-identity are in crisis, as well as his sexual identity. "I can't even tell which sex I am because of all this gooey cheese." Our question is, who would want to get on a pile of cheese anyway?
Dom DeLuise, who voiced Pizza the Hutt for about 30 seconds in Spaceballs, says, "I feel bad for the guy. They wouldn't even let him use his own voice in the movie. Then again, he sounded kind of like a broken squeaky toy. Then, they kill him off with the intent of bringing him back in Spaceballs II: Dinks Revenge. The poor guy never had a chance. And then living day after day, watching Pizza Hut ads, and seeing Jabba the Hutt's popularity soar, he's just lost in his own identity." This from a guy that kind of resembles a pile of oozing pizza himself.
Though preliminary proceedings have taken place, nobody in the media seems to know what is going to happen with this case. Even Mel Brooks himself doesn't seem to know, because when we contacted him, his only comment was, "It's good to be the king."
Pizza the Hutt sums it up best. "Every time I think I might be a guy because I've found something I think to be a penis, it turns out to be either a piece of pepperoni, or hardened cheese. I just want to get the rights to my name and move on with my life."