dedicated to entertaining the easily amused (and people from Idaho) issue date: March 10, 2001
The Moon Staff
Chris Olin is the brother of onetime Cleveland Indians closer Steve Olin. That's about the only cool thing about him in any sense. Chris is a big dork, and should be seeking professional help for his tendency toward pedophelia. However, Chris is a very good writer and is always first to volunteer to help with The Moon Young Teenage Girl Babysitting Service. (Maybe we shouldn't let him, but we do have to indulge our writers.) Chris usually writes stories for our main page, and is known to contribute to a few of the columns as well. He lives in Spunkmeyer, Maine, the home of Otis Spunkmeyer. He's a big fan of Otis. He has three cats, and most recently avoided arrest for indecent exposure because the female cop thought that he looked pretty decent in his vintage Scooby Doo underoos.
Susie Nilppok is the former captain of the Starship "Made In Taiwan" (named after the sticker Susie found on the hull). Susie now writes for The Moon, but you may find the most famous story of his Starsquad adventures at Space: The Final Thingy. Susie greatly enjoys writing futuristic features, but they mostly suck and aren't that funny, so we've given him the "follow around burnt-out celebrities that nobody's heard from in over 5 years" beat. Susie hopes to one day take over The Moon, but with an intelligence level rivaled by most anchovies, the odds of this are few. This is the same kid who, when bread is put into a toaster and it comes up toast, asks "Where'd the bread go?"
B-Rent Imagodei's most recent claim to fame is that he was dating a radio celebrity in Oshkosh and it got him a job as a DJ at the station, so he dumped her. Imagodei is from Green Bay, and thinks he is cool because he is currently sporting that wonderful Mr. Clean Wannabe Haircut. B-Rent spends his summers in Waupaca, doing things that nobody wants to know about in the local taverns, although we hear he used to summer in Hatley and Clintonville, but they both kicked him out for having sex with too many of their teenage girls. B-Rent writes sports for The Moon, mainly because he is mad at God for making him 5' 8 3/4"(He was adament about changing the previous 5'8 1/2" listing to 3/4". Short people are anal that way.) and therefore unable to play pro basketball. Some people call him B-Rent, but he seems to prefer "Schweaty Pete" and lately "Duke Lion". He was also going to be a Radio/TV/Film minor but is contemplating the change to the "Alcoholic" major, with a Bb7 minor chord to back him up. His ultimate goal is to rid the world of all bad commercial writers (particularly from car commercials) and replacing them with the writers of Pinky and the Brain. He is most proud of his women's underwear collection in which he has stolen a pair of underwear from every woman he has slept with. I think this is a cool concept, but frankly, the diaper in the center of the display scares me. Most would think this is simply because B-Rent started from a young age, but since the diaper was just added last week, we can add pedophelia to his list of accomplishments.
Daniel K. Bobloos
Daniel just recently joined the staff here at The Moon because he needed something new to do with his free time besides watching reruns of Married... With Children. His favorite leisure activity involves things that which are inflatable. According to Bobloos himself, the coolest thing he ever did was throwing a wet sponge at Susie Nilppok and hitting him in the face. Dan has an IQ of 135, but yet barely graduated from high school. ("Why do homework when you're smarter than the teacher is?") Despite his 1.3 GPA, he graduated, and moved on to realize his potential via various forms of yoga. ("Yoga sounds like yogurt.") Although Bobloos is new to the staff here at The Moon, he fit in right away. Why, you ask? He knows better fat jokes than we do.