(and people from Waupaca)
article date: January 21, 2001
As for why She suddenly decided to rain fire upon a Lutheran camp where many children happily spend their summers, God's only comment to this reporter was, "I am the Alpha and the Omega. And if you ask me that again, I will kill you like I did Dahmer." After quickly running away, God also yelled, "You can't run away from me either, you moron! I'm everywhere! Isn't it ironic? Don'tcha think? It's like RAAAAAIAAAAAAAAAAN....."
Matt Damon, star of the movie Dogma, just happened to be on the scene. "As God's Angel of Death, I believed it was my responsibility to carry out his wishes. Everyone knows God is Catholic - hell even Chris Rock admits it. The only reason he (Rock) is still alive is that God gets a kick out of watching those bumbling Baptists worship him. Lutherans look like they're attending a funeral. So he finally just snapped and decided their children must die. You know, about 100 of them. As a message to stop their Lutheran crap."
Numerous surviving campers were contacted, but as soon as their parents found out they were talking to a reporter, they sacrificed their Lutheran brethren by
Although the camp was burnt to the ground and will be unusable for the forseeable future (a few millennia or so), camp director Nickel Satansin plans to reopen the site "as a place for those Luth... er... Catholic children to come play and worship the Lord!". Asked about her last name, she said it had something to do with her mother being forced to sell her soul to someone. Right as she was about to disclose who her mother's soul was sold to, she was hit by a stray skateboarder. She suffered minimal injuries, but was pretty much screwed when the Stealth Bomber crash landed on her head. So I guess we'll never know the origin of 'Satansin', but we do know that the camp has burned to the ground and 550 kids died because of God's desire for ethnic cleansing. In all of this, there can be only one question on everyone's minds. What can we do with 550 corpses?