George Bush is President
dedicated to entertaining the easily amused|
(and people from Falls Church, VA)
article date: March 10, 2001
But not the George Bush that You Would Think
Washington, DC (CMUP)- Yes, George Bush was elected President, by a margin about as big as Calista Flockhart's waistline and acting abilities combined. But what you don't know is that our acting President is really George Herbert Walker Bush. Yep, the guy that got his ass kicked by Bill Clinton back in '92. In title, his son George Bush is the 'acting' President, but his daddy calls all the shots. Current President Bush, while in a drunken haze, told this reporter that he doesn't do anything unless his dad tells him to. "I'm a drunken crack addict. You think I have the capability to run this country? No! My dad came up with this idea quite a few years ago as a contingency in case Clinton beat him. He helped me build a political career in Texas so that I could run for President someday. If I actually won, I'd just be a figurehead, and he could call all the shots. I'm like the Queen of England! Stand around, look Presidential, but yet do absolutely nothing! So I get to drink and watch NASCAR all day long! Best job in America, baby! Whooo-hoo!" He followed these comments by downing seven shots of tequila.
|Fake President Bush with Figurehead Wife|
His father, George Herbert Walker, Texas Ranger Bush was contacted and initially refused an interview. But as he realized The Moon was the only news source that suspected the truth about his arrangement with his son, he finally consented to an interview. "Let me start by saying there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I am, in fact, the acting President of the United States of America. These words are as true as the day I said 'Read My Lips: No New Taxes'. Oh wait, that wasn't true. Neither was this. DAMMIT! I slipped up in an interview! Maybe I'm getting Alzheimer's like Reagan. Then the country is screwed, George Jr. would be running it himself. My God, Will Ferrell's impression of my son would make a better President than George Jr. No, no, I'm not getting Alzheimer's. My son's interviewing slipups are just finally jumping up a generation. Yeah that's it. Oh, well. So I admitted to a schlocky reporter for an unknown newspaper that I'm the acting President. Big whoop. I'll just go bomb the hell out of Saddam again, get the focus off of this, and get on with my plan to finally take over the world!"
|Former, yet current, President Bush|
Now, this is the scary part. That last sentence sounded a lot like something out of Pinky & The Brain. In this case, it is an interesting metaphor, with Pinky representing current President Bush, and The Brain represented by George Herbert Walker Bush. In a second interview with George Jr., I brought up this aspect. His reply? "NARF! ZORT! POINT!" Personally, I'm scared.
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